A blade of Grass in an Open Field

People are talking so much about the world coming to an end and asking stuff like "what are you going to do before the world ends?".. Well i'm gonna mind my own  bloody business I am..

Look.. If the world is gonna perish - how does it matter what i do? it doesnt right? so if i want to skydive strapped to my girlfriend (a hypothetical one) before the world ends - and i have neither the money nor the means to do it - what difference does it make?

Some may argue, stating that its the experience that counts and that our souls last for ever.. Well, if your souls last forever, does it make a difference if the world ends? I can jolly well fly in and out of the sun then, can't I?!

But then, if I am of the world and perish with it, then whether I do it or not doesnt count anyway, does it?

The world is here, in the solar system, stuck in the milky way in a remote corner of the known universe.. You really think it makes a difference? You wanna do something before the world ends? Try living one single day without lying; without being fake; without hurting anyone; without stealing directly/indirectly; without breaking traffic rules; without being rude to anyone or anything.. Live one day being honest to your loved ones and loving without holding back and give without a thought of receiving - just one day.. Try it..

Humanity only matters as long as humans exist.. We must all understand one thing.. Whatever may happen, Its not the world that perishes - it will be us.. In the larger scheme of things we are but a blade of grass in an open field..

P.S: But then again - how does that matter anyway...

I am

I am the music - I am the sound

I am the silence so profoud

I am the harmony - and dissonance

I stand still in the motion of your dance

I am the light you seek in darkness

I am the night that shows you throught o day

I am within you as I am without

Call me God - Call me mother

Call me by a million names

I am your Self - I am your Other

I am and so are you

I do and so do you

I be and so you are

You don't and I still am

What do i?

* Say these slokas - they're good for you

* Pray to this god - he's responsible for education
* Its all about the positive vibrations the mantras generate
* Its the belief that counts
* Whats the difference between a mantra and any other word - they're all sounds
* Saying random collection of sounds to random stones - stupid fellow
* You are one - You are all - What are you trying to prove to whom?
* You don't live - You don't die - What's the big deal?
* Does any of it even matter?


These are all questions and suggestions that are in and around me all the time.. And these things have never ceased to confuse me.. They seem to take pleasure in doing it.. 


Some ppl say that sating prayers make them feel good and so they do it.. well, sleeping and eating chocolates make me feel good.. So do i go ahead and do them all the time??


I am in some way prepared to accept that our choices determine what happens to us in our lives.. But if the choices themselves are pre-determined, whats the point of me making conscious choices? arent the choices i take by default the ones i end up doing anyway?? Doesnt this leave us with an absolute lack of a reason to do anything at all??


Let me put down a few paradoxical thoughts here.. Consider this scenario.. Why must we try to achieve to be better than everyone else?? Does it matter at all?? Aren't we all the same fundamentally and isnt tat which really matters?? therefore, what ever i try, it finally doesnt matter.. And so, (here's the paradox) if it doesnt really matter what i do, why not go ahead and do it anyway?? 


We live in a world where the good and the bad dont really have much of meaning.. They change their definition with time, place, individual.. What do i believe?? I believe there is no good and no bad.. but i also realise that this applies not just to me, but to everyone else as well.. This is probably what really draws me to Nolan's Joker from the Dark Knight.. He understands that he is part of the system, part of the whole process.. therefore, if Harvey Dent's coin flip in the hospital had lead to his death, he is prepared to take that chance.. that is how he lives.. he makes a choice and accepts the consequences whatever they be..


The title i have given this writing kind of expresses my state.. its just "What do i?" not "what do i do?", not "what do i believe?".. its just "What do i?".. a funny thing this is.. 


I see chaos and order as just 2 different points of view.. Hence it is possible that the chaos i perceive right now is just a way of seeing things.. Does it disturb me? yes it does - just like order disturbs me.. Do i ever feel peace? yes.. i do.. when i know the chaos and order, co-existing, and being themselves.. It amuses me that i even see them at all.. 


My my.. The things i think and the things i dont.. What ever do i do/think/believe??


Or should i even stop thinking there is something i must do/think/believe??


what do i?

Happiness is what you want it to be

It really is.. If what u want is what you already have, u have nothing left to want, i.e, feel unhappy about not having, and therefore you are happy..

If u want something that you do not have, then your happiness is dependent on getting that thing..

So, the choice of what you want lies in your hands..

the point here is, the happiness you discover (note, its discover and not happiness you gain), is because u lose desire.. it sounds very sage-like, but unfortunately, its a fact..

I go back to the mind concept here.. The mind is a really tricky creature.. it has a wonderful defense mechanism wherein it keeps making you want things you do not have.. Again, it does not make you covet, but makes you want.. The "covet" part is transient..As Dr.Hannibal Lecter says, "You covet only what you see".. Therefore coveting is easily satisfied either by crude acts such as theft, or simply by not seeing the item we covet..

But u need not see to start wanting something.. the entity that you desire can be a completely fictitious one (such as the 'ideal' life partner) or something tangible and real - like stuff u read about in a magazine (a Rolls Royce Phantom for example).. the point is, it is very hard to satisfy your wants.. that is how the mind prevents you from being happy.. Now the most obvious question is, why does the mind not like you being happy?

The answer is quite logical.. When a person is happy, their thoughts are few or even non-existent.. but when a person is unhappy/sad/depressed/not satisfied, they just cant stop thinking.. Thought is one of the primary functions of the mind.. Therefore, when a person is happy, they stop thinking and the person's dependence on the mind reduces.. this in turn, weakens the mind..

Zen, Buddhism, Hinduism all speak of the thoughtlessness as an important step toward Nirvana/Enlightenment or watever... the point is, going to a stage of mindlessness.. its a stage where the individuality of the mind gives way to the realisation of union of the self with the whole..

Basically, it means the mind becomes threatened when you stop thinking.. therefore it kicks in a huge circuitous track where it makes you want things, which in turn makes you less happy.. when you do eventually manage to get what you wanted, the mind usually shifts its base towards something else (after allowing you a brief period of happiness)..

Therefore, it finally boils down to a choice we have to make.. Happiness is what you want it to be..

A bit of things

The pinnacle of evolution, the portion of living organisms called mammals of which humanity constitutes but a fraction is a very confused and troubled lot. Mammals are distinguished by their pattern of forming family bonds. Unfortunately, these bonds give rise to a host of vices that we cannot see in the rest of the natural world – jealousy, selfishness, greed, hatred and vengeance. The phrase “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility” wonderfully fits us mammals. We have the power of consciousness – the 6^th sense and with it, the responsibility to become aware of our vices and overcome them. Life does not come with a manual. We just gotta write it as we go along.

The beauty of life, is that, the reality that it is can only be understood when we see its ugly side and come to terms with it.. Life is not about happiness alone.. It’s about the happiness that comes on overcoming the sorrow and the pain. Along with that comes an understanding, a peace that gives you the energy, confidence and belief to accept and live. It also helps us change ourselves and the world around us. That is what differentiates us from our selfs..

For a change, using simple language

A very wise person once said, If you don't get lost, there's a chance you may never be found.
When we find something we are passionate about, we give all our heart and soul to do what is necessary to accomplish it. This something could be achieving greatness in a sport, being a successful business person, travelling the world, collecting every stamp ever made, or anything at all. This becomes our self proclaimed purpose in life. This purpose gives us a sense of belonging and something to do in life.
Quite often, unfortunately, many of us do not have this feeling – the feeling of wholeness, the feeling of belonging, the feeling of happiness. Instead, we trudge along with our daily life, nodding our heads to whatever society throws at us, living a listless life of denial and incompleteness. We never cease to complain, but never do anything to bring ourselves out of this hole.
We must all realise one thing. What matters is not what happened or why it happened. But just the fact that it happened. When we get angry or upset at the fact that something has gone wrong, we never cease to find excuses to cover up for our fallacies. But try as we might, we can never find the solution to undo it. When something goes wrong, accept it. Try your best to make it succeed. Growing a rose in a desert is a greater achievement than growing an oak tree in the forest.
The beauty of life and the happiness that people seem to find in it lies in the very fundamental fact that the ppl who find it so, are the ones who live every moment and enjoy it without cribbing. When you complain about a situation, you are seeing only what is in front of u and not the way through it. It is only when u see the light at the end of a tunnel, that u can get out of it. If you keep looking at the tunnel, or if you refuse to open your eyes, it is LEAST likely that you find your way out. Most of us are doing so. Though we keep saying we WANT to get out, or it would be better if we get out, we do not take the simple effort to open our eyes and look BEYOND the darkness in front of us.
As Joe Cardare commented – To the question of life you are the answer; to the problems of life you are the solution.

Chaos in simplicity

There is so much talk and tons of writings on finding simplicity in chaos.. the need to find order in seeming disorder.. For some odd reason, probably because its me, i wonder shouldn't there be chaos IN simplicity??

Now the question that first arises is, "is this guy nuts?" and after tat would be "how can it be chaotic if its simple you jackass?!".. but i still find the need to ask the question.. Is there chaos in simplicity?? can it not be there?? Why??

i thought about this question a lot.. I believe its a lot like the nothing and everything.. they are antonyms, but are the same.. like Zero and Infinity.. Neither exist.. Nor do they not.. Both are unattainable and are mere concepts..

So my question is something like, if everything is nothing, then isn't nothing also everything?? If the number line is a circle of infinite radius, then the absolute zero (which is minus infinity) will be the same point as infinity itself..

I do not believe that Chaos and Simplicity are mutually exclusive.. I believe that they are interdependent and cannot exist without the presence of the other.. Therefore, if Order comes out of Chaos, Chaos will rise out of Order as well..