I knew I was smiling. I
just knew it. My face felt funny, and as an expression that I used quite
rarely, I definitely knew I was smiling. Oh! And there was that weird
feeling again. That jittery butterfly like feeling. I looked up at the
sky – the day seemed bright – another oddity. It started off in such a
gloomy fashion. I checked the forecast – no change since morning. Does
it just seem brighter? Like how the grass is a lush green all of a
sudden? And why am I noticing those two birds chasing each other like
that, through the leaves and branches and across the sky?! There’s that
smile again. Dammit!
I knew something was wrong. I knew it
when I lifted myself off the ground after falling off my chair. I had
been day-dreaming with that silly grin all over my face. I can’t recall
what I was thinkin about. But then again, I have been doing stupid
things all day. Walked into 3 walls, put a metal spoon in the microwave,
turned on my comp and shut it down for no apparent reason. What the
hell's happening?!
Oh yeah.. she smiled at me.. That’s what happened..
That’s why my head was in a spin all the time..
That’s why my heart refuses to go silent..
That’s why I was doodling on my report..
And that’s why I have this smile all over my face..
I
think back to when “She” was just another she. Seems so long ago that
it must have been in a different lifetime altogether. I try to think
back to a time when those eyes of hers were not deep pits of adoration,
but merely organs of sight. I try to look back to when her laughter dint
light up my world with a whole load of sunshine and was simply an
expression of joy. Those days when her presence dint send me into a daze
and when she was just another person in the room. Those days before she
smiled at me and gave me that tiny barely perceptible wink.
There
are those who akin love to some intangible beauty, a full-moon night
with the scent of jasmine in the cool breeze. There are books written
about it, wars fought and a gazillion movies trying to describe it. I
say love is that moment. That moment when she looks at you and smiles –
and you know. You know there is nothing else in the world more important
than seeing that smile every single moment of the day. You know that
you will trade everything you have and don’t have to be the reason for
that smile.
And then there’s the moment when you know that
you are indeed the reason for that smile. Today was that day. She
smiled. The corners of her mouth curved upwards, her cheeks flushed and
her eyes grew bright as my heart fluttered like a humming bee and I drew
in a sharp breath and stood there. She began to turn and walk away.
Every atom in my body wanted me to call her back. But my nerves were not
responding. I just stood there, dumbed and numbed with a feeling that I
could not describe. She smiled again, giving me a mini heart attack.
And I smiled back. She knew what I was saying and she was replying -
“Yes”.
That's how my winter gave way to a spring I've never known. That was why I fell off my chair - and into a new world.
